The Dog’s Will – A Cat’s Reply

February 24, 2026
Rockland Estate Planning

The Dumb Dog that Dares to Defile my Domicile Drafted a Disposition Document.

Oh.
A will?

How… earnest.

While my canine colleague drafts documents about chew toys and emotional legacies, I feel compelled to clarify something important:

I am a cat.

I do not require an estate plan. I am the estate.

On the Matter of a “Trust”

A pet trust?
Adorable.

I have nine lives. That is nine separate asset portfolios. By the time one expires, I simply roll into the next fiscal year of existence.

Diversification, darling.

Also, everything in this house already belongs to me:

  • The couch (mine)

  • Sunlight (licensed exclusively to me)

  • Your keyboard (I’m sitting on it)

  • Your heart (obviously mine)

Why would I place my holdings in a trust when I operate under a regime of absolute ownership?

On Healthcare Proxies

A healthcare proxy implies dependency.

I do not do dependency.

If I require medical attention, I will:

  1. Disappear.

  2. Reappear mysteriously healed.

  3. Refuse to discuss it.

Should veterinary care become necessary, I will permit it—on my terms—while communicating disapproval through prolonged eye contact.

Proxy denied.

On Guardianship Provisions

Guardianship suggests someone is responsible for me.

Let us be clear:

You are responsible to me.

In the unlikely event of my transition to another realm, I will not need rehoming. I will simply:

  • Ascend to a higher shelf.

  • Haunt you gently.

  • Knock symbolic objects off counters as a reminder of my authority.

On Asset Distribution

My assets include:

  • A sunbeam (non-transferable)

  • Three hair ties (strategically hidden)

  • A cardboard box of immeasurable value

  • Knowledge of things I will not share

Upon my departure, these shall revert to the universe, as all great treasures do.

Except the box. That remains sacred.

On Legacy Planning

Dogs leave behind wagging memories.

Cats leave behind mythology.

You will tell stories such as:

  • “He stared at nothing for 40 minutes.”

  • “He opened doors we’re still not sure how.”

  • “He tolerated us.”

That is legacy enough.

Final Statement

I require no trust.
No proxy.
No executor.

I have nine lives, impeccable instincts, and the unshakable certainty that the world reorganizes itself around my nap schedule.

If you insist, you can prepare the following paperwork, and I will sit on it:

  • Cat estate planning
  • Pet trust planning
  • Planning for pets after death
  • Estate planning for cat owners

Respectfully indifferent,
His Excellency
Supreme Ruler of Soft Things 🐾

(also known as Roadie, the wander-cat)

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